I have a problem with marriage.
In theory, yay! But if I think about it in any kind of depth it makes my stomach all twisty and I kind of feel like either clawing my eyes out or running off into the desert and hiding my head in the sand. And, okay, I’m 19, so that might be partly why…but because I don’t like it when I can’t figure out why I feel a certain way, I’ve been trying to figure this out for what shockingly adds up to a few years, and now I think I’ve figured out the main reason for this.
Maybe some godly women who have it all together (do you exist, oh great ones?) can help me out with this one. How do you find the balance between the stereotypical-but-possibly-in-fact-what-God-wants picture of what a woman should be, and the reality, which is that I freaking don’t necessarily WANT to cook or clean or, one day, say yes and amen to everything The Husband says. The fact that I disagree and, often, disagree based on what I read in the Bible/believe God is saying does not change because I’m wearing a ring on my finger, you know? The fact that I have my own calling that is mine and that might involve a lot of travel and craziness and instability does not change because I decide to love another person for the rest of my life, even when I don’t. I will always have an opinion, I will always think I’m right, I will always be a writer who needs a LOT of time to myself, I will always keep praying and presumably keep hearing from God, and I will always say what I think. Women happen to also get tired and don’t feel like being the picture of purity and grace 24/7, and we most definitely don’t feel like spending our time going “Yes, Oh Great One Who Is Also A Human But Who I Must Treat As My Master And King Just Because I Married You.”
So how does this all work? Because I have to say, I’m having issues. I know we shouldn’t get hung up on the small stuff, but this kind of isn’t small. What about 1 Corinthians 11:8-10: “For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head.”
Or what about 1 Corinthians 14:34-35: “…women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.”
Some people put these verses down to cultural differences, but then you have to ask what else should be put down to cultural differences, and that could go on forever. Other people just kind of skim over this and don’t really talk about it. Other people totally reject these verses, but that’s not going to work for me, because the Bible and everything in it is true, regardless of who does or does not believe that. So how to reconcile the fact that I believe this, and also believe that men and women are equal, that marriage is a partnership as opposed to a dog-owner relationship? I mean, did I just totally miss the mark here? I’m not trying to pick a fight here, I genuinely want to know. Like I said, I believe the Bible is true and is God-breathed…I just sometimes have trouble deciphering what the breath was saying. If anything’s going to go, it’s going to be my lowly little human opinion, and not the Bible. Any input would be MUCH appreciated. If you’d rather keep your comments private you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.