I Am Not a Trashcan

I am not a trash can for your past.

It has been such a long time since I’ve felt like myself. Since I’ve given my soul the space to be who it really is. Since I’ve set boundaries in place so that no one else but God can influence the core of my identity. I let other things come in and take little pieces of me – chip them away and carry them off like thieves. But no more. I am Awake. And I am free. Nothing can tame me, because I stand on the solid rock that is Christ. To people who don’t believe in Him, I’m sure this sounds silly. I’m sure you’re embarrassed for me. But that no longer matters.

I’ve always tried to give the people in my life the benefit of the doubt. I’m not put off by differences or quirks. I like to celebrate who people are and I appreciate the differences and the huge variety in personalities and beliefs that my circle of friends contains. I truly love and appreciate the people who are in my life, even when I disagree with them. Can you do the same for me?

Sometimes I hide what I believe because I feel I have to make up for the bad experiences people have had with Christians. But you know what? If you walk around pinning all of your baggage with Christianity on the people around you, that’s something you need to work through. If your first reflex when speaking to me after you hear that I’m a Christian is to only take what I say half seriously, that’s something you need to think about. I’m not trying to undermine the hurt some have experienced in church or at the hands of Christians. I recognize it and I know it’s a problem. But:

I am not a trash can for your past.

And I can’t keep quiet about this very big and important part of my life, because it is exactly that. Whatever you might believe about the truth or lie of the Bible, God is the reason why I’m still here. He’s the reason why I’m free. He’s the reason why I have the courage to get up in the mornings and face the day. He is the breath in my lungs. He is the lava in my lamp. He is the coffee smell in my coffee. Basically, I love Him. And I shouldn’t have to apologize for that, or justify it, to the people who call themselves my friends – just like I don’t expect my friends to apologize or justify to me why they are who they are.

I lost myself when I started to try and hide Him away. I hate admitting that I even did that, because it breaks my heart to imagine how that must have hurt Him. But this is Attempting Authenticity, and here is where you’ll find raw truth. And there will be no more hiding. I am free.

Photo cred: Debbie Orolowitz.

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