Moving Forward

Returning to writing has been incredibly life-giving and wonderful. Many of you have been here since the beginning, when I was 17 and needed an outlet for all of my thoughts, dreams, and venting. I’ve processed, I’ve changed, I’ve grown, I’ve become more open and less judgmental, and this blog has helped me through so many difficult things in my life. However, I realized the other day that I am no longer just attempting authenticity. As much as we all continue to grow and develop, I feel I have reached that place I always wanted to be in: accepting of myself as I am, of others as they are, and truly living authentically and with love.

For that reason, among others, I have decided to close this blog. I am thankful for each and every person who has encouraged me on my journey, but now it’s time for a new chapter. If you’d like to continue onwards with me (and I’d love to see you there!), I will be moving to VSKruger.com. The blog is not there yet, but will be soon, and I’m excited for what this new chapter will bring.

With all of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love always,
Veronique xxx

Well, I’m Back

Even just coming back to this blog after everything that’s happened in the last 7 years feels mildly triggering, but maybe not in a bad way. When you felt as though you’ve lost yourself completely and that everything that makes you you has been forever destroyed, you don’t want to be reminded of who you were before. The person who existed before all of the trauma and the difficulties. Because you wish you could still be her, go back to that point before everything went to hell and you betrayed the very deepest parts of you without even realising it.

The reason why I can be back now is that I’ve made peace with all of the versions of myself – the girl I used to be, the young woman who had the world in front of her and didn’t know she was on the brink of near-destruction…the strong, unkillable, hardcore, steely, powerful woman who got me through the worst part of my whole life…and now, the new person, the stripped down soul (in the best way), the one who came through it all and faced the darkness and came out on the other side determined to flourish and bloom and be her wild self.

Actually, even what I decided to call this blog when I was 17 is very telling. I always felt like I was attempting authenticity, that I was fighting desperately to just be me, to just be real, to just…be. And now, at this moment, I don’t feel that I’m attempting. I simply am. Sometimes you need fire to burn away all of the external things that are hiding, or restraining, who you are at your core. And the fire has burned, my friends. For seven years it burned and destroyed and stripped away and charred and cleansed and purified and melted and decimated all of the things that were holding. Me. Back.

So, what has always been here is what will continue to be: raw, real, but perhaps on a different level than before. And I’m not the same person I was when I wrote all of my previous posts, and I probably even disagree with some of them now, but that’s okay. I won’t be the same person tomorrow that I am today either. Life is a river and we are the rocks at the bottom, over time being shaped and smoothed and becoming beautiful records of time and flow, and that’s breathtaking.

What Moves You

rainy days, clouds in the sky again
my limbs protest but my fingers rage
pen and ink, feathers on the floor
find me something to live for

what pretends but never apprehends
the apathy my soul seems to bleed
pen and ink, breathe life into me
find me something to live for

can you feel me
can i even breathe
pen and ink, sink to the ocean floor
find me something to live for

poor poets crush their hearts on
cement floors, dark halls, blue ghosts
pen and ink, make my words dance
find me something to live for

Throwing Pennies

So I have obviously been self publishing my books, which I felt very good about and which was the right decision at the time. But something has been nagging me, and I can’t ignore it anymore. My dream – the Book Dream – was never to have my books on Kindle. Don’t get me wrong, I love Amazon and I love that they are so good to indie authors. I love having control over my work and owning all the rights.

But ultimately, what I really want most is to have my books on bookshelves in bookstores. I don’t care about making money, I don’t care about winning awards. I just want my characters to be known and loved by people other than myself…to know that they won’t die with me and that their stories and struggles and victories will survive. And not only survive, but thrive, and even inspire those who discover them to follow their own dreams and find the thing that makes them feel free.

That’s what I want. And so, although I thought the journey was nearly ending, I’m packing my writing/editing rucksack and getting back on the road to Shard. I know it will take work, I know that traditional publishing can be a whole other monster, but that’s what I want, so that’s where I’m going. And I’ll toss some pennies into wishing wells along the way.

Stars and Mirrors

I am my creativity
no longer do I belong
to myself, but to all
who read me, see me

stars and mirrors
I break apart into words,
images, sounds, music
I am not mine anymore

my breath is stardust
my sighs are laced with
drops of ink, splattered
onto pages of souls

I dissolve into words
all of me is broken up
into little letters made
and erased with one stroke

I am my creativity
stars and mirrors
my breath is stardust
I dissolve into words.

Soul Machine, a collection of poetry, will be out soon! Sign up here so you don’t miss book releases and special deals 🙂